INSIDE LINE: HAM-TOAST AND ROS-BEEF – Oh Man This Is Good…
In the aftermath of his Malaysian Grand Prix engine blowout which cost him a more than likely victory at Sepang, Lewis Hamilton wants us to believe the scenario I have contrived below, or something of this sort, is transpiring at Mercedes.
For the record, I am a big Lewis fan since his F3 days and believe him to be one of the best of this generation. Don’t care about what he does beyond the track, on it when he is at his best there is no better.
Okay so here we go..
It is not a well known fact but Mercedes decision makers have a number of secret codes which they can deploy when and where required, as well as code names for certain people. Examples of some of these codes which pertain to this tale:
- HAM-Toast which means press the button that blows up Hamilton’s engine.
- ROS-Beef which means press that button and Rosberg gets a boost of horsepower
- BIG-Tache is the code name for Mercedes uber chief Dieter Zetsche
So picture the following taking place in the Mercedes pit garage around midway through the Malaysian Grand Prix, with Hamilton leading comfortably and Rosberg battling his way through the field after being rear-ended and turned around by crazy Sebastian Vettel in Turn 1, on the opening lap of the race.
Around mid-race the big boys in the Mercedes pit garage make an important call…
Toto: Guys this is not good. Lewis is going to take the lead of the championship again… and, god-forbid, win it again!
Toto: I think its time for HAM-Toast…
Paddy: You sure about that? Nico may end up second or third and will still lead the championship.
Toto: Yes, but let’s not risk it. He has to get by Mad Max and that’s always a risk. And you know the story, BIG-Tache wants a German driver to win even if he is Finnish. Not another Briton, you know Brexit and all that stuff.
Paddy: Okay so it comes from the top then. What the gaffer wants the gaffer gets, he signs my paycheck. I am in.
Niki: Yes I am in and its time to make it happen. Andy please confirm HAM-Toast is deployed.
Andy: Yes gentlemen HAM-Toast deployment button has been pressed, wait and watch it should happen around lap 40 or 41. -Paul Valesco-
Let me also begin by saying I have nothing but mad respect for Lewis Hamilton. In my personal opinion I think he is a hair faster than Sebastian Vettel over one lap and there is absolutely no one currently that can pass as well as Lewis. I am still of the opinion that Fernando Alonso is the most complete package, but as far as pace and raw speed, and finding a way around someone, as the original MC Hammer (Time) says, where Lewis is concerned, “You Cant’t Touch This…”
With that out of the way I must confess as the news cycle went into overdrive after Sunday’s race and into Monday and Tuesday, I was a bit taken back by the statements from the current WDC of car number 44. I was thinking to myself as I read the headlines of higher powers and number 1 drivers and such, oh the press is going to have a field day with these, and ouch, some people are going to have their knickers all in a frenzy. I spent all day reading each and every thing I could click on from all the usual suspects, ESPN F1, Autosport, James Allen, BBC F1, Crash, Motorsport, Forumal1Blog etc.
Then comes along this post from Grand Prix 247. Most of what they post is re-posts of other news sources and that is fine if you are just into getting a quick update of the latest news items. But every so often Inside Line shows up authored by Paul Velasco and reading 247 becomes a real joy. He is extremely sarcastic, likes to stir the pot, often shows us how absurd F1 has become and calls out anybody and everybody no matter if you’re the great Ferrari brain trust or in this case F1’s current top dawg, Lewis Hamilton.
Velasco’s piece is funny enough to bring a smile to your face and hopefully a chuckle from your lips while also touching upon the serious fact that Hamilton should really curtail his finger pointing and tantrums. It does no one any favors, least of all the Briton himself. That being said, one of the reasons I like Ham so much aside from his driving and playboy and jet setting life style is that he is his own person and answers to no one. Good for him, but he also has to know there will be critics and criticisms (deserved or not).
When all is said and done no one will give this latest outburst from Ham a second thought, even more so if he shows up in Japan and blitzes the competition again on Saturday, and has no drama on Sunday and takes the win. The smart money is on just that happening but until then we have this story hogging all the headlines, that and Sebastian driving like Mad Man Max. Lol…
Please give Velasco’s piece the full read not just what I re-posted, it is very good and very funny, there is part of me that really wishes I wrote it, it is just that good.